A Bond Girl in ‘Slaughter High’

The movie Caroline Munro was too old to make but dammit, she made it anyway: Slaughter High.

Every time I watch the naked swirlie scene, I almost convince myself of my theory that her character is just a young teacher that inappropriately hangs with her students and assists them in pulling pranks, toking dirt weed, and bringing maple syrup to the orgy. Alas, there’s been no confirmation of my theory. In fact, unless the gym coach is also a sad loser that encourages his students’ juvenile pranks, my theory can’t be true because he sees her standing in the shower stall where her friends are dunking poor nerdy Marty and doesn’t call her out or report her wildly unprofessional complicity to the upper faculty. Hell, maybe he is. He barely slaps a wrist and has the gall to scold Marty for the incident. Mostly because he’s naked but that was part of the prank of which he was the victim! My theory must be true!

The plot is rather standard for this kind of movie. The aforementioned Marty is the poor recipient of a lot of humiliating pranks and the worst prank of all ends with his disfigurement. Years later the bullies reunite at their old school where the tragedy occurred. The school closed a few years earlier, though in the flashback sequences it already looks suspiciously rundown. Somebody, uninvited, is there to play the ultimate April Fool’s Day prank on the lot of them: murder.

As they begin to suspect after one of the friends dies via the acid that disfigured Marty, Marty’s back. Will he enact his deadly vengeance on every single one of these seemingly reformed assholes? Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, when you watch Slaughter High.

Best slasher flick of 1986? Nope. Not even close. Best slasher flick of 1986 featuring a disfigured killer in a jester hat? Yeah, probably. Nice twist in the end too. 2 out of 4 stars. Oh, and can someone find a relatively clean print of this glorious hunk of celluloid cheese and give it the Blu Ray upgrade?



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